Observations of a Damaged Mind

Friday, October 15, 2004

Whatever happened to BIG thinkers?

Am I the only one to not want to plan and organize and "goal orient" my life? People say that if you don't have "goals" you'll never go anywhere or do anything. I disagree. I know for a fact that I have many big things in my future. I know that I will make an impact on this planet. I just don't know exactly how I'm gone do it yet. It'll come to me, I know. The test is making sure that I'm paying attention when opportunities present themselves. That's why I don't bother with "goals" as most people think of them. My goal, my only goal, the only goal should be to not miss the present. Live in the present and enjoy the present for all that it is or isn't because...That's all there is. Everything else is meaningless. The past, what is that? Nothing but a memory. The future? Nothing but hopes and prayers and predictions and guesses.

"You can drop a stone from your hand a thousand times and a thousand times it will fall to the ground but you never KNOW, for certain, that when you open your hand the one thousand and first time that the stone will fall to the ground, it COULD fall up." Improbability does not imply impossibility. So what do we have? The present.

The doorway between then and there. We are constantly walking through. Most everyone these days spends their lives either living behind themselves as they walk through the door with no idea of what's ahead of them, or trying to look ahead though the door and expecting things to be there when they open it and attempting to control what will be there next time they open the door. But you'll NEVER know and you'll NEVER control what will be on the other side of the door. So if our entire lives are spent opening doors into another world and you are obsessed with either the world you are leaving or the one you are trying to get to, I ask, "How do you open a door?" And no one will be able to answer, even though that is all anyone has ever done in there lives, because no one pays attention to the act of opening the door. Now I am not implying that one should forget the past or not have a level of anticipations for the future but that knowledge should be used in making the decision of which doors to walk through and how one exactly walks through them.


In all cases, my self included, more care should be taken in living and enjoying every part of opening that door. There's always the possibility that the next door you open could be your last. If it winds up being the last, the person who was chasing a goal is disappointed with their life for never having reached their goal. For the person who is looking behind, it does not matter if they walk through their last door because they wont even notice. They have died already. Ah, but the person who exists in every step of the door opening is profoundly happy for having experience all that life offered them.

Faced with the reality of that possibility every time I look in the mirror (link to story to be inserted), I cannot help but make sure that I am enjoying every moment of my life. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't anyone? Anyone doesn't see what I see. "I know sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet." -Vanilla Sky. I have had my fill of sour. So now EVERYTHING is sweet. It is likely that I will face much more sour in my life whether I want to or not. So I will not allow any moment of sweet to pass by unobserved and without thorough appreciation. People spend way too much time trying to prevent any occurrence of pain in their lives. Well here's a wake up call. Pain is inevitable, for everyone. When you spend your life trying avoid pain and don't face it and don't deal with it as it needs to be dealt with you are wasting your life. Security and safety from "tragedy" are imaginary. In fact I would contend that the more secure and safe that you THINK you are the greater likelihood that a "tragedy" will befall you. The person who claims and believes they are safe will be absolutely devastated by an event that would hardly be disastrous for a person that accepts pain as part of life and finds all else that is good that exists in the now, not the least of which is the fact that one is still alive.

This story has only begun. A fish has leapt in a pond breaking the calm of the surface. Sending ripples out across the surface of the water but also in all directions beneath. A small disturbance of molecules now makes its way across the water. All water is connected thus everyone feels the disturbance, even if they are not paying attention. I know there are others that exist on the same frequency as my vibration. When I find them, the amplitude of the disturbance will grow, encompassing more frequencies, reaching more fish. In time, all will notice because the ripples will be impossible to ignore. I can see the storm gathering, can you?

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